Gender and the Box

I don't know if it's ever taken me this long to figure something out before. It has taken me five months and one day to realize why I've spent that long dabbling in slash--mainly reading but with some, albeit non-explicit, writing. I understand that this development is only an extension of what I started with Caryatid.

I write round male characters. I can only think of one or two round female characters--Felicity and Jane, I guess. Everyone else is male, but not in the strictly traditional sense. My men cry. They take things harder than they should. In a lot of ways, the characters in the Rodin trilogy should just be considered neuter. I know how odd that sounds. But now I know why I did it.


I've never been quite comfortable in the female stereotype. Women are supposed to be overly emotional, touchy-feeling, and too talkative. I am overly unemotional, have proxemics issues, and sulk. I'm a misanthropic bitch, not a people person. I don't into the socially assigned gender roles. I don't feel comfortable writing about either myself or the norm. I need a middle ground. I found it in mildly effeminate men.

Slash is my protest against the box. Oh, you know what box I mean; it's the box I talk about all the time. Society's box. The universe's box. The box I don't believe exists unless we let it hold us. I've been subconsciously using my male characters to do this for years. I guess I figure that if my men cry, maybe it's okay if I do, too. 

On that note, I should probably come clean. Oh, screw probably, I just feel like it. If I haven't already hinted enough, e is slash. AtGoh was developing bi storylines before I put it aside. The Glorious Struggle will also be slash. We'll just have to see where I go after November 30. Maybe I'll be able to write a strong female character then.

Going back to e, I finished Ch. 2 on Saturday afternoon and Ch. 3 this morning at approximately 2 am. I am now working on Ch. 4. I shall be done with Ch. 8, the halfway mark, by the end of the month.