For the past 364 days or so, I have fallen asleep to the songs of Alison Sudol, or A Fine Frenzy, as she calls herself. I am a fan of the entire album; however, two songs always stood out. They always seemed relevant to my novel universe. I thought perhaps that they partially expressed Ralph's sentiments following Mark's death.
The first song is perhaps the most well-known on the CD, "Almost Lover". There is a certain profound sadness to it that is seldom heard in music. It never quite felt perfect, considering Ralph is not a homosexual. But something felt right. A few days ago, I listened to this song and realized that I had been wrong. It wasn't relevant because of Ralph; it was relevant because of me. I am the one who loves him, who killed and lost him. The chorus:
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
It fits so goddamn well. He is just my hopeless dream. I try not to think about him, considering I killed him and all, but he won't leave me alone. I created my dream man, and by God, I keep thinking of Pygmalion. I should have known that this would happen, and I should have avoided it.
The second song is entitled "Near to You". It always seemed to work better from Ralph's perspective, in terms of Jane and Mark. There were still the gender issues, but whatever. After I had my realization about the first song, though, I rethought this one. I listened to it, and immediately it fit. The first stanza clearly seemed to describe my feelings about Mark.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
It fits so goddamn well. He is just my hopeless dream. I try not to think about him, considering I killed him and all, but he won't leave me alone. I created my dream man, and by God, I keep thinking of Pygmalion. I should have known that this would happen, and I should have avoided it.
The second song is entitled "Near to You". It always seemed to work better from Ralph's perspective, in terms of Jane and Mark. There were still the gender issues, but whatever. After I had my realization about the first song, though, I rethought this one. I listened to it, and immediately it fit. The first stanza clearly seemed to describe my feelings about Mark.
He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back
Then it goes on. The rest of the song deals with the speaker's feelings toward her audience. I assume that my audience is Ralph. I know that he is so much better for me to write about. He's just better. And while it hurts like hell, I'm getting over the obstacles I wrote for myself. It's getting easier. Or isn't that what I told myself 13 months ago?
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back
Then it goes on. The rest of the song deals with the speaker's feelings toward her audience. I assume that my audience is Ralph. I know that he is so much better for me to write about. He's just better. And while it hurts like hell, I'm getting over the obstacles I wrote for myself. It's getting easier. Or isn't that what I told myself 13 months ago?
Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
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